In my last blog, we explored how your nervous system begins developing before you are born.
But once you enter the world, the programming doesn’t stop.
In many ways, it becomes even more interactive.
Because as a newborn, you are completely dependent on the people around you.
You can’t feed yourself.
You can’t bathe yourself.
You can’t walk away when you’re uncomfortable.
You can’t regulate your own emotions.
You need someone else to help you meet your needs.
Your nervous system learns through relationship.
When a baby cries, their nervous system is communicating:
Something isn’t right. I need help.
Maybe they’re hungry.
Maybe they’re cold.
Maybe they’re uncomfortable.
Maybe they need connection.
A caregiver responds by feeding them, holding them, changing them, comforting them or simply being present.
Over time, the baby begins to learn through these repeated experiences:
- When I have a need, someone comes.
- When I’m distressed, I can be comforted.
- I can return to a calmer state.
This process of being supported by another nervous system is part of how babies gradually develop their own capacity for regulation.
And when responses are inconsistent, delayed or unavailable, a baby may have different experiences to learn from.
This isn’t about blaming parents.
No caregiver responds perfectly all the time.
It’s about understanding that our nervous systems develop in relationship.
We also learn by watching.
As children grow, we don’t just learn from how people respond to us.
We learn by watching how the people around us respond to themselves.
What happens when Mom gets angry?
Does she yell, shut down, take a breath or come back and repair?
What happens when Dad is overwhelmed?
Does he become reactive, withdraw, or find a way to settle himself?
What happens when someone is sad?
Are emotions welcomed and expressed, or pushed away?
We are constantly watching.
Our nervous systems are learning:
- This is what anger looks like.
- This is what sadness looks like.
- This is what stress looks like.
- This is how people return to calm.
We learn not only through what we’re told, but through what we experience and observe.
And this may help explain some of your patterns today.
Maybe you have a hard time asking for help.
Maybe you shut down when you’re overwhelmed.
Maybe you feel responsible for everyone else’s emotions.
Maybe anger feels threatening.
Maybe you learned to push sadness away.
Or maybe you have become very good at holding everything together while disconnecting from what you actually feel.
These patterns didn’t necessarily come from one specific moment.
They can develop through thousands of small experiences and observations over time.
Your nervous system was learning how to navigate your world.
And just like we talked about with the nervous system developing in utero, this doesn’t mean you’re permanently programmed.
Your nervous system is adaptable.
You can develop new experiences.
New patterns.
New ways of responding.
And sometimes the first step isn’t changing the pattern.
It’s becoming curious about it.
Where did I learn this?
What is my nervous system trying to protect me from?
And what might it need from me now?
This is the deeper work we explore in Regulate—learning to understand your nervous system, how it processes and stores information, and creating personalized ways to support greater safety, capacity and resilience.
Because sometimes healing begins when we stop asking,
“What’s wrong with me?” and start asking, “What happened that taught my nervous system to respond this way?”
Contact Bioheal Ottawa by phone 613-446-6060 or email info@biohealottawa.com for more information about Regulate or to schedule your initial visit today.