This is where the deeper work begins.
You cannot regulate what you cannot feel.
Once you’ve recognized what is happening, see if you can allow the experience to be there without immediately trying to change it.
Let’s say you’re anxious before an important conversation.
Instead of immediately trying to eliminate the anxiety, try this:
Recognize: “I’m noticing that my body feels activated.”
Name: “I’m feeling anxious. There’s some fear here, too.”
Notice: “My chest feels tight, and my thoughts are moving quickly.”
Allow: “In this moment, I don’t have to make this feeling disappear. I can let it be here while I notice what it feels like.”
Maybe the sensation changes. Perhaps it doesn’t. You might discover another emotion underneath it, or simply become more aware of what you’re experiencing.
The practice isn’t about producing a particular outcome. It’s about learning that an emotion can be present without requiring an immediate reaction.
You can feel anxious without immediately escaping. You can feel angry without immediately lashing out. You can feel sad without rushing to find a reason to be grateful.
You can experience an emotion without making it a problem that needs to be solved.
What Does It Mean to Stay With an Emotion?
Allowing an emotion doesn’t mean intensifying it, analyzing it, or reliving every difficult experience connected to it. It means making room for what is already here.
You might notice sadness in your throat, anger as heat in your face, or fear as a fluttering sensation in your stomach. Simply observe what you notice, without judging it or demanding that it change.
You don’t have to breathe in a particular way, meditate, or make the sensation go away.
And allowing an emotion doesn’t mean ignoring your needs or staying in an unsafe situation. If the experience becomes overwhelming, you can pause, look around your environment, seek support, or return to the practice another time.
You are not your nervous system state. You are a human being having an experience.
Your anxiety, anger, sadness, numbness, and joy are experiences. They carry information, but they don’t define your entire identity.
You don’t need to fight every difficult feeling, turn every uncomfortable moment into a personal growth project, or be calm to be worthy of care.
Sometimes, healing begins when we stop asking, “How do I make this feeling go away?” and gently ask instead:
“Can I be here with myself, exactly as I am, right now?”
Not to stay there forever. Not to give up on change. But to discover what it feels like to stop abandoning yourself in the moments when being human feels uncomfortable.
That is where a new relationship with yourself can begin.
Want to understand your nervous system more deeply?
In Regulate, my four-week, 1:1 experience, we explore how your nervous system responds to stress, identify patterns that may be contributing to tension and overwhelm, and develop personalized tools through breath, awareness and movement.
Because sometimes the first step toward feeling better isn’t doing more.
It’s slowing down enough to listen to your body.
Call the office at 613-446-6060 or email info@biohealottawa.com to book your initial visit.